Well, SPM is in ten days and here I am... For the past few days I've been thinking a lot about where my life is headed...
First of all, on Wednesday, we had to fill out this sort of student info. card concerning our ambitions. Although I'd like to clarify that the question they asked is not legitimate.
The question was what we wanna be as adults, it should have been what our ambition is, or what career path I would like to pursue.
But that's not the point, the point was that it got me thinking. As an incredibly indecisive person, I haven't even made up my mind on which field I wanna go into, let alone pinpoint a course.
And as a result, I've come to really hate these question- "what's your ambition?" Although, on that particular day we (Karina and I) had a lot of fun with that.
But still, it really got me thinking... and after a few months of deliberation and well...thinking...I haven't come even close to making a decision...
Secondly, on Thursday, I read a book, titled "13 reasons why?". This novel tells the morbid tale of Hannah Baker, who before committing suicide, taped 7 tapes regarding why she did what she did...
Each side of these tape have a story of one person who indirectly, or directly, caused her to kill herself. The book follows the 9th person on these tapes, that is Clay Jensen, the "perfect guy".
Although Clay hadn't trespassed Hannah in any way, he was on her list, because had he the will and courage, he could have reached out and saved her. But, unfortunately, he didn't, and the inevitable happened.
The book was sad, as it reminds its readers how much of an impact one simple action or one simple word could have on any other persons in our surrounding.
As I read the book, I came to think about, how my own action, my own words, no matter how inconsequential they are to me, can affect another person.
And then, on Thursday morning, when I was in school, 5B-ians were reminiscing about the times we had in our earlier years. And as the conversation shifted to me, it got me thinking again.
And then today, on the way to youth. My friend was telling me about how, in the future, I might have to lead a group on my own...
And yes, I know in the future, I'll probably have to do it, but nevertheless, I felt unready. I felt really insecure about abilities. I just started attending youth meetings last year, how am I supposed to lead a whole group?
Then he made an excellent point, - that if we were ready, what's the point? We don't have to feel ready, that all we need is willingness for God to work in us, through us.
And as I was thinking, coincidentally, our guest speaker for that day, was going to be talking about being a person of impact!
And as he was talking, I kept thinking I wanna be that person. It doesn't matter what my job is, God can still use me. It doesn't matter how short, how scarred, how ugly, how stupid, how insecure I am, bottom line is, that God can use me to do anything, as long as I'm willing.
And so as he prayed, I prayed too, wanting for God to work in me and through me.
And you know what, God is so good, He answered my prayers. After the speaker finished, and we were enjoying ourselves with chips, when suddenly this guy from their group came up to me.
Here's what he said : "Hey you know what, I don't know your name but there's something The Lord wants me to tell you. As you were worshiping and throughout the whole thing, I felt you have that hunger. That hunger for The Lord. And you know what, we've been to so many countries and met so many youth, and some of them just come in and do their thing but you, don't let that hunger fade."
I was so surprised at that, I never considered myself to be worthy of even those little words of encouragement. But The Lord is truly amazing!, and I feel so blessed!!
All Hail The Almighty God!~
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