Making Mountains

Wow. Am I tired of this or what? I mean seriously lah guys. I keep thinking about it, beating myself up about it, knowing that it is absolutely not my fault. I try not to make it a big thing. I don't want to seem petty. But you know what? It does matter. I matters to me. Because I thought, in my honest opinion, that I'm your friend. So tell me why do I seem like the only person who cares about our relationships? Our so-called friendships. Was I just being full of myself? Were you lying to me when you said you missed me? When you called me up suddenly? After I found out you celebrated your birthday with your friends, all of whom were, come to think of it, my friends too, at a place 5 minutes away from my house? And you knew too. You knew, you met me in the morning. But didn't even have the courtesy to invite me? Yes, It's a small thing. Why am I throwing a tantrum over not being invited to someone's birthday party? Like a little kid. Honestly, I ask myself that too. In the end, you're not worth it anyway. I trusted you, I believed you. I considered you a close friend, I shared with you. I tell myself it's alright. But it's not. It's not alright. You forget me. YOU forget me when your other friends are there. Do you do this on purpose? Do you know what it feels like? You say you do. But I doubt it. Because you've given me reason enough to. I'm not apologizing. I wouldn't because none of this is my fault. There is nothing I should feel bad about. If you feel hurt when you read this, know that this is what I've been feeling for the past weeks. Because of you, and you, and you, and you. Yes, all of you. All of you, who form this tight, little group of self-satisfied, self-centered, egotistical people who would never even dream of opening yourselves up to other people. Who, while enjoying themselves, wouldn't even spare a minute to think "Hey, what about Sapphira?", "What about Jia Hui?", "What about Jin Sam?". No. You wouldn't. You didn't. You might think I'm mean, spiteful, or vindictive, or heck all three. And you may just be right. But you know what? You are worst off than me. Because I don't go around pretending to be someone's friend, pretending to be nice, pretending to care.

And YOU! Stop being in my head! Stop, cause I know nothing's gonna happen. Stop giving me a reason to hope. Stop giving me reasons to dream.

Wow. That felt great. Whoosh. :P