I'm BACK!

Heh. Yes, I'm back! After a year and some months off from my blog, I'm finally writing again. Feels a lot longer than that though. =/ Reading some of my old posts again, especially the last few ones made me think, "wow, I'm sooo emo!" Lols. I wonder if anyone else felt that. =P

Anyway, why am I back? Good question... I just felt like writing again, especially after yesterday. That said, I probably won't be updating regularly, though hopefully, I won't abandon this poor blog again. ;(

So, what has changed after that long hiatus? Tons! But those are topics for another, when I feel like them. Right now, it's all about the trip we made to SK Tropicana yesterday.

My Group Members~ Cathreena and Alicia

While the first semester of our degree program seemed to just breeze by, it seems the second one is not going to be as easy. 4 weeks into the semester (the first 2 being a mess due to the move) and already, 3 out of 5 of our classes require us to go to schools for interviews and surveys. The first being Sociology class and get this, the topic was sekolah rendah kebangsaan. My first thought? - "Aaw, Maaann!!"

A few reasons why I didn't like it was that firstly, how long has it been since we set foot into a sekolah rendah? It was unfamiliar terrain. Second, I would very much prefer to go to a secondary school where I know the teachers, I know which ones will respond, which ones are capable of responding and which ones won't even look at you. Thirdly, and I know this is bad, but my perception of a primary school teacher in kebangsaan schools are that they're mostly Malays, lazy, and unwilling. What's worse is that I was right.

For those who know me, I think it's safe to say, you know I'm so definitely not racist. Maybe I am a little biased towards my own race sometimes, but I have nothing against others. The things is that my BM sucks. Big time. So I knew it would be tough trying to communicate with some of the Malay teachers who can't speak english. On the other part, I've always felt that primary school teachers have a sort of "I'm just a primary school teacher, I'm not important, therefore please pleeaaase leave me alone and don't ask for my input even if your lives depended on it" feeling, which is so not true. (Feel free to correct me if you think I'm wrong)

The day started well enough. Though after getting caught in a jam, getting rained on, and being ill-prepared (my fault!), we were kind of wary and nervous. Like, "OMG! I can't believe I'm doing this!", "How laaah, I don't even understand the questions myself!", and "Pleaaase, stop raaaiining! How to record like this?!" Yeah, we're all a bunch'a wimps.

However, we were pleasantly surprised when our first interview went by without a hitch. Heh, lucky me got to go first, and got the best respondant. =P Ms. Farhani (I think I spelled it right, right?) was so cute and lively and fun and pretty (added bonus), I think we were kind of spellbound by her. She enthusiastically gave us permission to video record the interview, answered our questions without going off topic (another added bonus), and even asked us to explain the questions she didn't understand (seriously added bonus).

After leaving her, we wandered off downstairs to find us some fresh meat (kidding!), where I found my friend's momma who teaches there. Kind Aunty introduced us to some of her colleague for us to torture, err... I mean interview, and then *left us to finish up some work. (*Read: ran away because she doesn't want a piece of that naaasty interview either =_=;)

This is where the disappointment came. This bunch of Malay ladies + 1 Indian, ohmygaaah...! I had already seen one of them leaving the children in the middle of their sports practice to SPIT ONTO THE GRASS! Urgh! And now, they wouldn't even give us a second glance, their half-assed answers left me no doubt that their work was probably half-assed too. Their look on one of them was so arrogant, I wanted to stop wasting my time on them and go look for some other teachers. Alas, being polite and civilized people, we had to stay since we had asked in the first place.

Leaving them, we thought might as well ask some other teachers sitting around the canteen as well. Bad decision! Thinking they could give us a different perspective, we decided to ask some male teachers. By the end of which, I was asking myself, "What in the world were you THINKING?!"

So yeah. That didn't go very well, never mind. Failure is all a part of life. Let's go back upstairs to the staff room, maybe we'll get some fresher meat (just kiddiing!). There, we were surprised by the cutest thing ever. This little Malay boy with curly hair and a baby face came up to us, "Apa saya boleh bantu?". Lols, basic response from all three of us? - "HUH?!" XD It was so unexpected we were all so blur. =P Poor boy... (He ran away after we asked if we could interview him instead. Cuuuuute!)

Which brings us to the best part of the day - The kids. They were absolutely, positively adorable. These 2 boys watching us started whispering about which one of us was the prettiest, teehee (Cathreena won). They hid from the camera behind doors, called us auntie (much to Cathreena's chagrin, hee), called out "Assalamualaikum" at us, and this group of Indian girls even asked us to take pictures of them. >.< style="text-align: left;">

Interior of the school
Canteen

Classroom

The Group of Indian Girls who requested a photo (sorry, rumah hijau!)

They just keep on comin' , don't they.

And just because we were bored, and I'm on a roll...

Gets!!

Making Mountains

Wow. Am I tired of this or what? I mean seriously lah guys. I keep thinking about it, beating myself up about it, knowing that it is absolutely not my fault. I try not to make it a big thing. I don't want to seem petty. But you know what? It does matter. I matters to me. Because I thought, in my honest opinion, that I'm your friend. So tell me why do I seem like the only person who cares about our relationships? Our so-called friendships. Was I just being full of myself? Were you lying to me when you said you missed me? When you called me up suddenly? After I found out you celebrated your birthday with your friends, all of whom were, come to think of it, my friends too, at a place 5 minutes away from my house? And you knew too. You knew, you met me in the morning. But didn't even have the courtesy to invite me? Yes, It's a small thing. Why am I throwing a tantrum over not being invited to someone's birthday party? Like a little kid. Honestly, I ask myself that too. In the end, you're not worth it anyway. I trusted you, I believed you. I considered you a close friend, I shared with you. I tell myself it's alright. But it's not. It's not alright. You forget me. YOU forget me when your other friends are there. Do you do this on purpose? Do you know what it feels like? You say you do. But I doubt it. Because you've given me reason enough to. I'm not apologizing. I wouldn't because none of this is my fault. There is nothing I should feel bad about. If you feel hurt when you read this, know that this is what I've been feeling for the past weeks. Because of you, and you, and you, and you. Yes, all of you. All of you, who form this tight, little group of self-satisfied, self-centered, egotistical people who would never even dream of opening yourselves up to other people. Who, while enjoying themselves, wouldn't even spare a minute to think "Hey, what about Sapphira?", "What about Jia Hui?", "What about Jin Sam?". No. You wouldn't. You didn't. You might think I'm mean, spiteful, or vindictive, or heck all three. And you may just be right. But you know what? You are worst off than me. Because I don't go around pretending to be someone's friend, pretending to be nice, pretending to care.

And YOU! Stop being in my head! Stop, cause I know nothing's gonna happen. Stop giving me a reason to hope. Stop giving me reasons to dream.

Wow. That felt great. Whoosh. :P

Results

After two years of tuition, staying back, extra classes, assignments, and well, putting up with lousy teachers, the results are here.

How many days I've been thinking about this, wishing I could just know!!

I was kinda disappointed, I have to admit, Of course I wanted straight A's. But at the end of the day, I realised that all this while, I told myself, 8A's is enough, and now I really am content with what God has given me.

Thank You, Lord, for the 9 A's You have blessed me with. :DD

Well, Thanks guys for everything. This past month, I've had a lot of time to think. And some of my thoughts aren't exactly pleasant as you can see. I've been doubting a lot of the decisions I've made so far. Whether it's right to wanna go overseas especially when economy is so bad. Whether it's crazy to wanna get a degree from u.s. and then find that I wanna teach here at home.

And sometimes, I'm reminded of the fact that I'm only human and my many flaws are well... many.
And sometimes I lose faith in myself and in God. When you start asking yourself if this is it. This is life. We spend the early years preparing fro primary school. And then we spend primary school years preparing for secondary. and so on... when does it stop. What does life amount to. When you grow old and die, does it matter if you scored straight A's for spm?

Does it matter if you've got six beautiful wives? Does it really? So we are living life preparing for what? What does our days on earth prepare us for? Death is a scary thought, and we never really believe it until it looks us in the eye. What happens after death? Do we stop thinking? What bout breathing? existing?

Why am I so uptight about college thinking, worrying bout what I will do with the rest of my life? If my life ends now, I would have wasted the time I was given worrying over things I didn't know I didn't have to worry about...

So now what? Live n the moment? Sure, that sounds good. In books, in movies, we hear things like live in the now. But how many of us really do that? When we're not caught up with school work, we're busy with chores. When does it end? When exams are over? and then what?

I wish I knew. But, Lord, I commit my life to You. Yes, sometimes I doubt, and I feel horrible about doubting. But doubting and not believing are not the same. I believe in You and I want to keep doing so. Like when the lamb got lost and the shepherd carried it on his shoulders, and the shepherds lips were not far from the lambs ears, so I would like to think that in my darkest moments, in my moments of doubt, that God is closest to me. That He is right there waiting for me to turn around.

And so it is. What you do with your life has nothing to do with me. But I want to spend the time He's given me preparing for the next one, where I will be with Him.

This is my commitment Lord, strengthen me in faith, and in spirit, even in my darkest hours may I give thanks to You. Love me, Lord.

Amen

Why? WHY?!

Stop telling me to pick my life up.
I don't know how

Stop telling me everything is a lie.
I know that

Stop telling me what I need and don't need.
I know myself

Stop telling me my life is shit
I know that

Stop telling me I have nothing
I know that too

Stop showing me that my life is a joke
I know all that, I know

stop stop stop just stop
It's not funny, it's not fun.

I hate you

I Want...

Seems to be that almost everyone's happy. It's a good thing hat everyone is happy, we probably should be, seeing as it is the festive season, so called.

I really really hate being a party pooper, but just some thoughts.

Want(verb) : to feel a need or desire to have or do.

Here's what I want:

I want to love unconditionally
I want to have unwavering faith
I want to love God more than I love myself
I want to be patient
I want to stop being judgmental
I want to be humble
I want to be able to say sorry
I want to want what I want for the right reasons
I want to be ready
I want to be beautiful on the inside
I want to stop worrying about my appearance
I want people to like me
I want to open my mouth more
I want to serve Him better
I want to be able to inspire people
I want to stop being insulting
I want mean what I say
I want to do what I preach
I want to be sure
I want to be better in anyway, anywhere, to anyone
I want to be everything that I can be for Him

Well, take a look in the mirror, and know that you don't always get what you want, bitch!

A Fork in the Road

The Star Education Fair... How to put into words...

Thank God for this opportunity lah, firstly...

Secondly, thanks to all the people that were there, mainly telling me the same things...

After a whole morning of mind boggling walking around the KL Convention Center, and checking out manymanymanymany booths...

Here's what's in my mind...

1.
2. ...Study Education in Ireland
...Study Culinary Arts in Switzerland
...Study Nursing here...

3. AAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRGGGGHHHHHH!!!!

It's no wonder I'm zombified now...

~sReehc

Real Updates

So much has happened that I both feel like talking about and don't feel like talking about.

Alright, camp was an eye-opener. This years camp was really different and I can safely say that I was one of the people that didn't adjust well to the differences, yes there was a lot of complaining (in my mind, if not out loud).

But in the end, I learnt many lessons like most people would say time is running out, we have to always be on our guard and yada yada. Yes it's important, and everyone knows that so I shan't repeat. I think one of the most valuable lessons I learnt is that God never disappoints.

I had a lot of very big big expectations for this camp so when I got there I was kind of dissapointed. But in the end, I learnt a lot plus a much needed lesson. You may think God has let you down and blah blah but you know know that in the end when you look at the bigger picture, He really didn't.

Anyway, if you didn't get that, I'm too lazy to explain.

Then there was my grandma's 80th b'day, for which my dad made a video (it's genius, if I might say so). Safe to say, we all had a great time, well, except the part where they made me sing the chorus of a song solo. It was my grandma's favourite song, a mandarin one, a super hard to sing. Thanks guys for sticking me with that one, you could barely hear my voice!

Then there was christmas eve, where our whole family gathered at grandma's for dinner and gift-exchanging. This year it was considerably smaller 'cause everyone had somewhere to rush to, which was kinda sad. Also, I spent like 4 hours making cards for my dg members, I can only hope they appreciate it and keep it.

Christmas...was kinda sad, I went to church for the usual christmas morning sermon then stayed a while for lunch (a slice of pizza) then went home and...did nothing! Yeah, it was a lazy christmas.

Also, I spent the last three days in bed, reading and crying at the same time! The books were awfully sad and what can I say, I'm a girl.

Well, I shall say no more and let my pics do the talking. (Hmm, I did say quite a lot didn't I...)

Alrighty, there's something wrong, I can't upload pictures so if you really really curious, drop by facebook!

Cheers~

Updates..

Okie Doke,
I'm supposed to be updating about prom and camp but because of my laziness, I shall direct you to my facebook page-
http://www.facebook.com/home.php#/profile.php?id=593894262&ref=profile
(because all my photos are there), and kindly ask all my dedicated (or not) readers to use their fertile imaginations, and if your imagination is not fertile, blame your parents for not getting you that G.I. Joe action figure you so wanted when you were six and instead got you a laptop when you were sixteen, then raid your nearby garden supplies store for some fertilizer. And if you have seriously, utterly no idea what I'm talking about, be comforted in the fact that I have seriously, utterly no idea what I'm rambling about except the one thing I'm absolutely sure of, and that is my laziness and thus we have gone one big round and come back to the starting point. Funny how the world works huh?

Cheers~

Long Update

Yes, it hasn't really been a long time since I last updated but still there are lots on my mind right now. So many things going on at the same time! Makes me feel kinda stressed!

Wednesday- Went out with Sook Ting and Christine to watch Twilight and to get some stuff for prom. In the end, I really regretted going for the movie, Cause it SUCKED big time. First of all, all the actors were kinda cacated, the movie was too short (it could have been longer to accommodate other details) , there was no chemistry whatsoever between Edward and Bella (I only knew they were in love because they said so, and because I read the books), Jasper and Alice are ruined, Carlisle looked like a ghost, Jacob Black looked horrible, Edward can't really fly (which he did in the movie). And I could go on, but I'll spare it for those who haven't watched it and for those who doesn't want me spoiling it for you, that is, if I haven't already. In the end, I bought a clutch for prom (and other dinners to come) and some beads.

Thursday- Came home Wednesday and was invited to go shopping with the boys! XD So Thursday was all about getting the right prom stuff for the guys and well, for the girls (Jia Hui and me) , it was also all about having fun. Why fun? Haha, just watching the guys fuss about their clothes were fun to watch! Tambah lagi, their lameness, which has a penchant for making you roll on the floor laughing and clutching your stomach. After walking for practically THE WHOLE DAY!, and walking back and forth from the old wing to the new wing of 1Utama for about 3 or 4 times, HuiChuin and Fook Hoy finally got their shirts and pants, while all 3 guys got their ties. After that, we followed Kok Shien to the foodcourt for HIS dinner, and though we were all really tired of walking, Fook Hoy was the only one still standing (somewhat). When asked if he was tired, he's reply was : "Yeah, tired. But I'm so excited!" Glad you enjoyed your first time out shopping with girls.

Some pictures:

The Jokers

HuiChuin obliterating Kok Shien's ice kacang like a little kid

And no, I didn't take pictures of them in their prom clothes, cause I didn't want to spoil the surprise, though I will say they both looked really good in what WE chose, XD, and leave it at that.

Friday- Went out in the morning for a meeting to iron out some stuff involving prom. Although I'm glad everything is (sort of) sorted out, but I wish I could say the same for my feelings towards prom itself. In the beginning of the year, my decision to go was sort of like, at first yes, then no, then yes again. Because I'm not really sure what to expect and now that it's drawing near, I'm feeling kinda sick in the stomach. There are things I'm looking forward to on that night, like having loads of fun, taking silly pictures, wearing a nice dress, choosing the prom king and queen. But on the other hand, there are also things I'm not looking forward to, like the pettiness of (some) of my girl friends. It's true everything has it's pros and cons, so right now, I'm keeping in mind that I have to be positive and just pray that everything goes well.

After coming home from the meeting, I found out that, one of the sweetest, most trustworthy friend of mine was dumped by her boyfriend of almost 5 years. Although, in the beginning, I did question her taste in guys, but in the end, I decided to trust her, because she really liked him. And then, out of the blue, he just decided to dump her and say that he has someone else? I was so angry and sad on her behalf, I really didn't know how to comfort her. Except to say that she was one of those friends that stuck with you for a lifetime, she's smart, she's beautiful, and the bastard who dumped her really didn't deserve her.

Take a deep breathe and jump in, Next Tuesday is prom, 4 days after that is camp, and another week, my grandma's 80th birthday celebration, and then christmas. whew. I wonder if I'll make it out alive.

Cheers~ (I really really miss my shmoops)